Take Five (Precious Bodily Fluids edition)

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ONE: Life During Wartime

A few months from now, we’ll have flushed away 10 years occupying Afghanistan for reasons that still don’t pass the smell test, and it seems that, just maybe, the shared wartime sacrifice called for by neither George Bush the Lesser nor his Oval Office successor has become unavoidable, at least in some jurisdictions.

The New York Post reported last week that toilet paper was apparently being rationed by bathroom attendants in the women’s rooms at Coney Island:

Regina Ballone, 25, of Brooklyn visited a boardwalk bathroom at West 16th Street Wednesday and was “grossed out” at the thought of someone else handling her toilet paper.

“Never in my life have I experienced anything like this,” she said. “I walked toward a stall, and a bathroom attendant stopped me by shouting, ‘Hey, mami! There’s no toilet paper here,’ and she whipped out a big roll for me to grab some.”

However, the initial report was quickly deemed crap by the Parks Department:

The Parks Department refused to say how much it budgeted for toilet paper and other supplies, with a spokeswoman saying only, “Bathroom supplies are stocked daily, and our budget for these supplies is consistent.

“There’s no need to ration, and we’ll make certain our staff does not do so,” added the rep, Meghan Lalor.

Staff were demonstrably not doing so in the men’s rooms, at least:

Toilet paper rationing isn’t an issue in the men’s rooms — but only because they apparently don’t have any to ration. The toilet paper was gone whenever a The Post reporter went to inspect the men’s rooms.

The following day, the Parks Commissioner more or less un-denied the prior denial and came clean on the whole nasty affair:

Parks Commissioner Adrian Benepe ended the rationing of toilet paper at Coney Island yesterday — admitting that The Post’s potty exposé left him flush with embarrassment.

“We don’t know why [some workers] decided to ration toilet paper. Clearly . . . it was a mistake,” Benepe said.

“The economic conditions are challenging, but not that challenging. If you go there today, you’ll find toilet paper in every stall,” he said. “It’s our business to help New Yorkers do theirs.”

TWO: Republican wet dream?

Minnesotans crying in their beer about the government shutdown may need to rethink that soon:

Hundreds of bars, restaurants and stores across Minnesota are running out of beer and alcohol and others may soon run out of cigarettes — a subtle and largely unforeseen consequence of a state government shutdown.

In the days leading up to the shutdown, thousands of outlets scrambled to renew their state-issued liquor purchasing cards. Many of them did not make it.

Now, with no end in sight to the shutdown, they face a summer of fast-dwindling alcohol supplies and a bottom line that looks increasingly bleak.

And even for those who renewed their cards in time, the situation could still be dire:

The state’s government shutdown, now in its 13th day, will soon force MillerCoors to pull its beer from Minnesota liquor stores, bars and restaurants. A state official says the law requires the company to stop selling products like Coors Light, Miller Lite and Blue Moon imminently because their brand licenses expired.

“I would suspect within days to see that product leave the shelves,” said Doug Neville, a spokesman for the Department of Public Safety.

Ah, Republicans. They’ll drive you to drink and deprive you of it at the same time.

THREE: Please Mychal, Don’t HurtEm

One of the most enjoyable things about the Obama Presidency has been the absolutely delusional commentary the right wing makes about it, and it doesn’t get more delusional than spittle-flecked WorldNutDaily contributor Mychal Massie, who claimed this week:

I personally know [President Obama] is very much aware of my columns…

If that’s so, it’s probably because the Secret Service monitors them (and if they don’t, they damned well should). Treat yourself to a few snippets from the past year:

The Obamas behave as if they were sharecroppers living in a trailer and hit the Powerball, but instead of getting new tires for their trailer and a new pickup truck, they moved to Washington. And instead of making possum pie, with goats and chickens in the front yard, they’re spending and living large at taxpayer expense – opulent vacations, gala balls, resplendent dinners and exclusive command performances at the White House, grand date nights, golf, basketball, more golf, exclusive resorts and still more golf…

The coming months of political life are not going to be pleasant for Obama. Possessed by a self-perceived palatine mindset, that in his mind places him above criticism, how long before he cracks in public? Can America risk a man with a documented track record of lying and misrepresenting truth as a basic way of life, who is becoming increasingly more contumelious?


The Founding Fathers were more than intelligent enough to specifically write what they meant. If they hadn’t intended for the Second Amendment to mean what it says, they would have written it differently. Unlike the transmogrification of the darkness of Erebus into memes that have led our nation to embrace perversions as character traits to be desired, our Founding Fathers were more than capable of saying exactly what they meant. It’s the memes from those destructive brothels of darkness that spawn a verbiage that doesn’t mean what it implies and/or states.


Let there be no doubt: The political philosophy of Michelle Obama and her husband is that of committed Marxists. It is up to us to identify them as such, because it’s obvious the media have no interest in doing it for us.


Michelle Obama has a deep contempt for white people in America – something she has not been shy in making expressly clear for those who have cared to listen.


Obama’s poll numbers in every category that mattered were plummeting to record lows. His depressive state was becoming more difficult to conceal from the public – so enter bin Laden. Obama gets a momentary bounce in the polls, but more importantly, he gets to play hero.

But his is arguably the most Erebusic administration in the history of America. The goodwill being shown him is being used by his handlers to bolster a failing presidency. Unable to fill venues, unable to sell $30,000-per-plate fundraiser tickets, and with increased open belligerence toward the public, he needed help – and bin Laden cooperated.

At the risk of perhaps sounding a bit conspiratorial, I would not be at all surprised to see bin Laden’s assassination touted as a “hail to Obama” on Sept. 11, 2012. After all, he got a short-lived bounce in the polls this time, so why not look for this just before the election?

The killing of bin Laden may have rid the world of one bad guy, but it isn’t creating jobs and it isn’t cleansing us of the sanious agenda of Obama and his administration.


Which brings me to my greatest angst with Obama. It’s not only that he is (as far as my cursory research found) the only leader in history to have hidden his entire past, it’s not only that he is the first president in my lifetime to scold and scorn the American public, it’s not just that he and his wife display a regal attitude while you and I struggle to make ends meet in today’s economy.

The ease with which he misleads the American people is cozened and morally opprobrious. That he is then arrogant enough to make condescending jokes about his good fortune at our expense shows forth a scrofulous individual who displays the same contempt for the common man kings and queens of old exhibited for their people.


Instead of dictating what we should eat or what we should feed our children, instead of her stirring interest in the portion size of restaurant entrées – I say let Michelle Obama stick her nose where it can actually make a difference. Let her step up and condemn the global trafficking of women and children by using her husband’s bully pulpit to demand America be the model of zero-tolerance.

What woman, especially a woman with young daughters, would not view the crime of forced sexual servitude and abortion as not being more important than the size of the pork chop a restaurant serves as an entrée?


Obama and company remind me of certain groups in the Middle East who are only interested in working together and compromising when it buys them time to secretly regroup and rearm.

At his press conference the day after the election drubbing, Obama said both sides of the aisle must find “common ground.” He stated, “I want to engage both Democrats and Republicans. … I do believe there is hope for civility. I do believe there’s hope for progress.”

His feigned act of contrition is more appalling than his willingness to drag the essence of the office of the president into commonality, when he engaged in the shameful osculation of unmentionable anatomical areas of Jon Stewart and certain harridans of “The View,” who give unmistakable authenticity to Halloween, as he trolled for votes.


What of merit has the NAACP accomplished in the last 10 years (and trying to present a person indicted in two states for child pornography with their image award doesn’t count)? As a matter of fact, what signature accomplishment can they legitimately point to in the past 30 years?

The answer is: There is nothing they can point to. The Civil Rights Act was signed in 1964 thanks to conservative Republicans, and because of Republican president Richard Nixon race-based affirmative action was passed in 1968. The schools have been integrated, blacks head Fortune 100 companies, blacks own sports teams, blacks are represented in every elected position nationwide, blacks are small-business owners and blacks suffer the same realities as other Americans, ad nauseam.


The damage done to blacks by the “Great Society Initiatives” has resulted in the murder of over 25 percent of blacks, the decimation of the black two-parent families and a pernicious mental imprisonment on a virtual plantation 10 times worse than any slave plantation in antebellum history.

FOUR: “Liberty and union, now and forever, one and inseparable, or not…”

North Dakota was admitted to the Union on November 2, 1889. Or was it?

An 82-year old Grand Forks man has pointed out a constitutional flaw that questions whether North Dakota has ever been a state.

John Rolczynski points out the original state constitution left out the executive branch, the Governor and other high ranking officials when it explains who needs to take the oath of office. Rolczynski says that puts the state constitution in conflict with the federal one, making it invalid.

This spring, Senator Tim Mathern of Fargo introduced a bill to fix the constitution’s wording.

North Dakota voters will need to approve the constitutional amendment in November of next year.

Rolczynski’s work isn’t done, however:

Rolczynski is now hard at work trying to correct what he says is a second mistake in North Dakota’s constitution. He says the constitution states the Red River forms the entire eastern border of the State. However, Rolczynski points out it’s actually the Bois De Sioux River that forms the eastern boundary for 41-miles, from Wahpeton to the South Dakota line.

FIVE: How can we miss you if you won’t go away?

And the weird mating dance of the Republican presidential hopefuls continues. Rudy Giuliani is in New Hampshire today, with what sounds like a full agenda:

… he will hold a private meeting at Exeter Hospital with doctors and hospital administrators. He will then attend a Seacoast Republican Women’s luncheon in Hampton, followed by a reception with law enforcement officials and civic leaders at the home of his 2008 campaign chairman Wayne Semprini in New Castle.

He will then meet with gun owners, National Rifle Association members, and motorcyclists at Manchester Harley Davidson, followed by a private dinner.

On Friday, Giuliani will speak to a class at Dartmouth College and meet privately with faculty.

Semprini would not give any details about an impending Giuliani announcement but said only, “I’d say he’s still considering a run.”

And I’d say there’s a greater chance of the Beatles getting back together than of Giuliani achieving electoral success. Go for it, Rudy. We could use the laughs, again.