Just Sayin' Is All (Midnight Musings edition)

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Republicans are incessantly ranting about things like morals, ethics, and family values.  In other words, they just can’t stop whining about the things they don’t have.

Priests and ministers are always encouraging us to have a “personal relationship with God”.  Wouldn’t the first step towards that kind of relationship be to cut out the middleman?

I wouldn’t mind people trying to put the Ten Commandments in public buildings if those same people would agree to follow them.

If Sarah Palin had half a brain, she’d be able to appreciate the vast emptiness that exists in the other half of her skull.

People who are glued to FOX News 24/7 aren’t necessarily a devoted audience – they’re just too stupid to know how to change channels.

Hey, remember when George W. Bush was president?  The Republicans don’t.

A day without Rush Limbaugh is like a day without an anal cyst.

I think that if the GOP wants to get intimate with my vagina, they should start with a romantic dinner, flowers, and an expensive little bauble from Tiffany’s.

If Republicans were as concerned about government spending when one of theirs was in the White House as they are when one of ours is, Obama would now be under fire for how he’s using the surplus he’d inherited.

You have to admit there’s a certain something about Republican politicians.  I don’t know exactly what it is, but it has an extremely unpleasant odor.

I remember when the TV news was delivered in an editorial-free, without comment, monotone.  I’m so glad the MSM has replaced all of that boring factual shit with dazzling graphics and mindless chit-chat!

You used to have to buy a crappy tabloid at the supermarket check-out if you wanted innuendo, speculation and gossip.  Now you just have to tune-in to the nightly “news”.

Devoid-of-talent celebrity wannabes used to vie for a five-minute spot on the local news – now they have their own reality shows (Seasons 1 through 6 now available on hi-def DVDs!)

I wonder when so-called Christians will have their come to Jesus moment – and if they’ll even recognize him when they get there.

I’d love to see Mitt Romney visit Canada – as long as someone straps him to the roof of a car for the trip.

If facts could literally bite you in the ass, not a single GOP politician would be able to sit down.

You can’t insult Republicans by calling them ignorant, ill-informed, classless bigots –  these days, they just take it as a compliment.

One can’t help but be amused when the Catholic Church takes the moral high ground on an issue.  It’s kind of like listening to a bunch of pedophiles and their enablers talking about morality – actually, it IS listening to a bunch of pedophiles and their enablers talking about morality.

Ann Coulter fans love it when her latest book hits the Top Ten on the best-seller lists – it means they can buy a copy at the local Dollarama for $1.99 the same day!

Don’t you get a kick out of Republicans insisting that Obama controls the price of gas at the pump?  It’s understandable, though – obviously he’d want to raise prices in an election year.

Those folks who got trotted off to FEMA internment camps during the Bush years, and the “true progressives” who are being trotted off during the Obama years – how are they getting along?  Anyone heard anything?

It’s said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome.  That being said, why haven’t all Republican voters been institutionalized by now?

If I had a dime for every time a GOP politician told a lie, I would have been part of that infamous 1% years ago.

I’m so old, I remember when banks gave you a toaster-oven for opening a new account.  Now they include a gift certificate for a moving van – because there’s no way you’re keeping your house after they’re done with you.  (But you can still keep the toaster-oven, with their heartfelt gratitude.)

Republicans are absolutely fearless when it comes to defending their country – as long as an army of young, black, hoodie-wearing, Skittles-eating teenagers don’t launch an invasion.

The GOP powers-that-be once had a thought – unfortunately, it was only that one time.  Since then, nuthin’.

Republican Think Tank – the ultimate oxymoron.

I used to believe that Republicans were capable of good things.  I also used to believe the Tooth Fairy left a quarter under my pillow when I lost an incisor.

If giving ridiculous, unwarranted tax breaks to multi-million-dollar corporations is an incentive for job creation, where are all the jobs that were created under the last Republican administration?   There should be millions of them by now.

I’m always impressed by how sorry Republican politicians are for their wrongdoing – after they’ve been caught doing it.

I remember when scientifically proven facts were just that – and not “liberal” theories, still open to debate.

Republicans want to take the country back – waaaaaaaaaaay back.

If Liberals control the media, why do they persist in giving ninety-eight percent of their airtime to Conservatives?

The minute a Republican says, “The fact is …,” you know you’re about to hear what the fact isn’t.

Ruthless, greed-driven, self-absorbed psychopaths often become gang leaders, drug lords – or insurance company CEOs.

If Victoria Jackson was as funny on SNL as she is as a Fundie nutcase, she’d be up for her twentieth Emmy nomination in the category of Comedic Genius.

You know the Republicans are serious about the issue of Obama’s citizenship.  Why else would they have passed over an amateur like Ted Olsen, and gone straight to the best legal mind money could buy – Orly Taitz!

So Dick Cheney finally has a heart – well, apparently there’s a first time for everything.