Ain't Buying It

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I realize that with the upcoming presidential election in November, the MSM will be doing what it does best over the next few months: i.e. not reporting the actual news, but using every effort to boost their viewership – which, sadly, is what the MSM is now all about.

The importance of this election is of no interest to the talking bobble-heads. The importance of ratings and audience share is.

As a result of the aforementioned, the issues will be ignored, the facts will be forgotten, the statistics will be skewed, and the ever-changing opinions of self-proclaimed political experts will be trotted out like an all-you-can-eat bread basket at a cheap restaurant – in hopes that the patrons will be too stuffed to notice that the meal they’ve ordered will be not only be slow in arriving, but equally lacking in substance.

The MSM doesn’t just want a horserace – they need one. Whoever is in the lead one day will be relegated to also-ran status the next. Poll results that favor one candidate will be loudly touted in the morning; completely opposite survey findings will be proclaimed by eight p.m.

Any and all numbers will be based on whatever information might translate into “too close to call” – a phrase we’ll be hearing throughout the summer – and the source of said numbers will be vaguely alluded to, lest one scrutinize the origin of such data a little too closely and find it wanting, or just downright ridiculous.

All of that being said, I’d like to give the MSM a heads-up on what I won’t be buyin’ – regardless of how hard they will undoubtedly attempt to sell it:

Don’t show me up-close-and-personal photos of Romney addressing a crowd in Anywhere USA, while telling me how well-attended the event was. I ain’t buying it. If it was well-attended, you’d pull the camera back to show the massive audience that turned out, instead of focusing on the three people he shook hands with after the fact. But then, there was no massive crowd, was there?

Don’t tell me how Romney is really catching on with the very voters who, no doubt, he will do his empty-headed best to belittle, besmirch and insult – you know, the ones he hasn’t pissed off already. I ain’t buying it. And neither are they.

Don’t trot out the usual shills and label them The Best Political Team on TV. If this is your idea of the best, I wouldn’t want to know what the worst is.

Besides, whenever I hear that phrase, I always think of The Best Lil’ Whorehouse in Texas – the difference being that the ladies depicted in the musical actually rendered services for the money earned, as opposed to the “I’ll say anything you want me to say for a buck” whores who get paraded in front of the cameras on a regular basis and verbally masturbate for the camera. I ain’t buying it. I’d suggest you dispense with airing their worn-out rhetoric and just leave fifty bucks on the bureau while singing “The Sidestep” as you zipper up.

Don’t tell me the has-been know-nothings you declare to be in-the-know insiders are selling anything more than you’re paying them to spew. Along with “too close to call” we’ll be hearing things like, “At this point, it’s anybody’s game. This thing could go either way. Tomorrow’s speech could be a game-changer. Next week’s rally could totally turn this thing around,” et cete-fuckin’-ra.

Again, I ain’t buying it. If I wanted to listen to an embarrassing avoidance of real facts, I’d don a plus-sized, horizontal-striped muu-muu and ask my husband if he thinks it makes me look fat – or listen to a Romney speech; same diff.

Don’t tell me that Obama’s supporters are becoming disenchanted, disappointed, unenthused. I am one of his supporters – and I am none of the above. Nor are my fellow supporters. I ain’t buying it – and the fact that you’ll be trying to sell it in hopes of keeping your audience glued to the TV is the very reason why intelligent people stopped tuning in years ago.

And please don’t drag the likes of Sarah Palin onto your programs to say – well, to say anything. I had my fill of what this tiny-minded trifle of Tundra Trash had to say during her fifteen minutes of fame – which, in case you haven’t noticed, was over years ago.  I didn’t buy her nonsensical spew then, and I certainly ain’t buying it now that it’s past its expiration date, as though sour cream gets fresher the longer it sits on the shelf.

Let me spell this out for you, in simple language that even Wolf Blitzer might – with a lot of help, patience, and simple words – be made to understand:

This ain’t no horserace. It is a process by which the American people will elect the person who will occupy the most powerful position on the planet for the next four years.

In order for the citizenry to make an informed decision, some facts would be nice along the way – like the candidates’ statements as to policy, a look at their past experience in dealing with legislation and governance, their opinions on foreign and domestic affairs, and their plans for the nation on a go-forward basis

But we all know you guys left the facts business eons ago, in order to go into the more lucrative occupation of flogging horseflesh, while ensuring your audience doesn’t get too close a look at what it is they might be buying.

What makes a horserace exciting is watching the horses compete for the win. It has nothing to do with assembling a bunch of blow-hard idiots on an alleged “news program” to downplay what’s really taking place on the track, in order to portray the race as neck-and-neck on a daily basis for the next four-plus months.

But then, as I’ve said, you guys left the facts business a long time ago – so I shouldn’t be surprised that what you’re left with is a collection of sway-backed, toothless nags, who even the most desperate glue factory would reject on account of their having outlived any semblance of usefulness.