My long-held suspicion that God is a Democrat now seems to have been borne out by the fact that every prayer the Democrats have uttered since the Republicans chose their presumptive presidential candidate has been answered – and then some. To wit:
Please, God, ensure that their nominee inarticulately demonstrates his own stupidity in front of the citizenry.
“I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.” – Mitt Romney
Please lead him to make statements that are diametrically opposed to what the voters want to hear in the current climate of blatant corporate greed, corporate malfeasance, and a total lack of corporate ethics.
“Corporations are people, my friend… of course they are.” – Mitt Romney
Please cause him to state, without shame or equivocation, how totally lacking in compassion he is for the most unfortunate among us.
“I’m not concerned about the very poor.” – Mitt Romney
Please allow him to be openly insulting to the very groups he attempts to pander to.
“I have some friends who are NASCAR team owners.” – Mitt Romney
Please encourage him to amply display his disdain for hard-working Americans, especially those who are unemployed.
“I like being able to fire people who provide services to me.” – Mitt Romney
Please cause him to arrogantly make fun of the concerns of the out-of-work by pretending to be one of them.
“I should tell my story. I’m also unemployed.” – Mitt Romney
Please encourage him to contradict himself with abandon on every issue.
“(Governor Romney) believes what we put in place in Massachusetts was a penalty, and he disagrees with the court’s ruling that the mandate was a tax.” – Romney spokesman
“The majority of the court said it is a tax, and therefore it is a tax.” – Mitt Romney
Please lead him to equate NAACP members with freeloaders.
“If they want more stuff from government, tell them to go vote for the other guy – more free stuff.” – Mitt Romney
Please ensure that his wife is equally as vapid and arrogant as he is.
“I love the fact that there are women out there who don’t have a choice, and they must go to work and they still have to raise the kids.” – Ann Romney
Please let him be a member of a religion that will cause the heads of the GOP’s Fundie base to explode.
A recent Gallup poll indicates 18 percent of registered voters surveyed would not vote for a Mormon presidential candidate.
Please let him be obscenely wealthy at a time when average Americans are increasingly angered by the disparity between the haves and have-nots.
Romney’s personal fortune has been estimated to be as high as $250 million.
Please lead him into the temptation of distancing his own party members from his campaign.
“We aren’t reacting to what Republican strategists do. All of this hue and cry, you know, from the bedwetters who get to sit on the sidelines, aren’t going to affect what we’re going to do and our plan.” – Romney campaign advisor
Please lead him into the trap of being caught in his own lies.
“I was in Salt Lake City for three straight years. I don’t recall even coming back once to go to a Bain or management meeting.” – Mitt Romney 2012
“There were a number of social trips and business trips that brought me back to Massachusetts, board meetings, Thanksgiving and so forth.” – Mitt Romney testimony in June 2002
Please make his defenders as laughably inept as the candidate himself.
“He took a leave of absence (from Bain) and in fact ended up not going back at all, and retired retroactively to February 1999 as a result.” – Ed Gillespie, July 2012
Please cause his own words, along with his own tax-dodging behavior, to come back and bite him in the ass.
“Blind trusts are an age-old ruse.” – Mitt Romney 1994
Please let him be dumb enough to dismiss his cruelty to the family pet, strapped to a car roof for a twelve-hour road trip, as a joke.
“PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air.” – Mitt Romney
Please encourage him to be arrogant enough to describe an annual income of $374,000 derived from speaker’s fees as mere chump change to citizens who are desperately trying to make ends meet.
“I get speaker’s fees from time to time, but not very much.” – Mitt Romney
Please let his political supporters be just as self-servingly, ass-kissingly hypocritical as he is.
“(Romney is) the worst Republican in the country to put up against Barack Obama.” – Rick Santorum – March 2012
Rick Santorum Endorses Romney – May 2012
Please let him be stupid enough to take credit for something he was publicly opposed to, along with being stupid enough to think no one would notice.
“Let Detroit go bankrupt.” – Mitt Romney, November 2008
“I’ll take a lot of credit for the fact that this industry has come back.” – Mitt Romney, May 2012
Please let him whine like a stuck pig when confronted with requests to produce his tax returns, something previous presidential candidates have done without complaint.
“The Obama people keep on wanting more and more and more – more things to pick through, more things for their opposition research to try to make a mountain out of and to distort – and to be dishonest about.” – Mitt Romney
Please encourage him to display his lack of maturity and leadership by being a cowering, indignant crybaby when asked straightforward questions about the very business experience he is running on.
“He (Obama) sure as heck ought to say that he’s sorry for the kinds of attacks that are coming from his team.” – Mitt Romney
Thank you, God, for answering our prayers.