Ah, the Smell of Desperation!

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I admit it. When it comes to politics and the GOP, I love the smell of desperation. And of late it is a scent that wafts from every pore of the Republican Party and its cheerleaders, a distinct odor that permeates the air, as well as the airwaves.

The GOP powers-that-be, along with the bobbleheads at Fox News (aka the propaganda arm of the party) are already at the point of grasping at non-existent straws and feigning outrage with a ferocity that is at once as amusing as it is pointless – and we still have three months to go before the election. I suspect the stench of flop-sweat will be so overwhelming by November that even the staunchest Republicans will be unable to take a breath without a gas-mask.

But this was inevitable. Now saddled with Mitt Romney, a man who will probably go down in history as the worst candidate to ever run for the presidency, the Republicans have no choice but to defend the indefensible, and do so in a way that smacks more of Pee-Wee Herman movie dialogue than a proffering of persuasive political realities.

The brouhaha over Harry Reid’s recent comments on Romney’s tax returns is a great case in point. He has been called a “dirty liar” for stating that he has been told, by a credible source, that The Mittster probably didn’t pay income taxes for ten years. The response from the other side of the aisle has been for Reid to “put up or shut up” – when it is obvious, even to the most dense Republican voter (and they are legion) that the only person who can “put up” anything enlightening in this regard is the candidate himself.

When “I know you are, but what am I?” is your only reply to serious allegations of your candidate avoiding paying his fair share of taxes, it’s time to hop on your Schwinn and ride off into the political sunset.

Let’s remember that one of Romney’s initial responses to refusing to pony up his tax returns was to state that Theresa Heinz-Kerry didn’t produce her full tax returns either. Unable to point to a single presidential hopeful – Republican or Democrat, including his own father – Romney decided to compare apples and oranges, somehow hopeful that the voters wouldn’t notice that Ms. Heinz-Kerry never ran for the presidency.

Apparently Fox News (that bastion of fair and balanced “news reporting”) did a segment today on the notion that George Clooney, a staunch Obama supporter, was guilty of outsourcing American jobs by filming a movie in Canada. Again, it should be obvious to all that Mr. Clooney is not a presidential candidate – but guilt by association is now all that’s left to the right-wingers in defense of their anointed one, a meal of thin soup being served as though it had any substance beyond the schoolyard taunt of “I’m rubber and you’re glue”.

Candy Crowley of CNN (aka the current Fox-wannabe network) recently opined that Romney’s refusal to release his tax returns is a “privacy issue”. Well, just as there is no crying in baseball, there is no privacy in running for the highest office in the land and the most powerful position on the planet. Perhaps Ms. Crowley was absent from her Democracy for Dummies class on the days this topic was discussed, and is therefore unaware that wearing a “Trust Me!” pin on one’s lapel does not equate to the full vetting of a presidential candidate that American citizens not only demand but deserve before casting their votes. Or maybe she’s just another idiot, shilling for a fellow idiot because that’s what she’s been told to do.

Despite my absolute joy at watching the GOPers trip all over themselves trying to put lipstick on what is clearly an obnoxious, arrogant, ill-informed pig, I can’t help but feel a bit sorry for their plight. It’s not easy to stand behind a serial liar and pretend he’s honest, especially when those lies are so easily exposed with a quick Google search on anyone’s home computer. It’s not easy to pretend you’re enthusiastic about a candidate who consistently insults the citizenry, along with foreign dignitaries.

It’s not easy to come to the defense of a presidential wannabe who is running for office on the basis of his business acumen, his experience as a governor, and his alleged “saving” of the 2002 Olympics, when none of the above can be discussed nor assessed – hard-drives having been erased, records having been expunged, and tax information being stubbornly withheld from view. While the Etch A Sketch theory may hold some sway with the bobbleheaded among us, the average citizen tends to view such obfuscation as just that – an obvious attempt to keep the truth hidden, and the facts dispensed with as an easily erasable inconvenience.

So what the Republicans are left with is an inarticulate, nonsense-spewing empty suit, a candidate who can’t open his mouth without confirming his own idiocy, a job-outsourcing draft-dodger whose allegiance to his country’s financial well-being is tucked away in tax-free offshore bank accounts, a man who doesn’t have the common sense to avoid bragging about how he enjoyed firing people from their jobs in a time of high unemployment, a car elevator-owning rich man’s son whose only source of income has been the inheritance of wealth and the misery of hard-working Americans – and little in the way of anything that can remove the stink of all of the above.

Well played, Republicans! After eight years of an intermittently sober ne’er-do-well like  Dubya, and the debacle that was Sarah “Tundra Trash” Palin, we salute your ability to sink even lower in your choice of a candidate. God knows it wasn’t easy – but the bottom of your political barrel has now been officially scraped.

So don’t blame we Democrats for enjoying the smell of your desperation – or the scent of sweet victory in November.