GOP: FYI

If you are a Republican who has wondered from time to time why we Democrats don’t take you seriously, let me explain it for you. (And please feel free to ask for assistance when you get to the big words.)

Part of it is your politicians’ penchant for hypocrisy, corruption, and blatant lying. Part of it is your collective attitude towards the poor, the homeless, the disabled and the uninsured, which is basically to ignore their plight. Part of it is your utter selfishness and greed as you demonstrate your outrage when you think someone somewhere – regardless of how dire their need may be – might benefit from a penny of your tax dollars. And a big part of it is the fact that you do all of the above while claiming to be good Christians, following the path of The Nazarene who taught love, tolerance and a clear responsibility to one’s fellow man.

But the biggest reason we have for not taking you seriously is the fact that you are, to put it bluntly, so unspeakably fuckin’ stupid.

Todd Akin’s recent remarks about a woman’s body being able to block an unwanted pregnancy while being raped is, as many have pointed out, a despicable excuse for denying access to abortion, even in such circumstances. What is even more disturbing is the fact that Akin, a sixty-five year old man with a college degree and no small amount of life experience, can be that ignorant about simple biology. And proudly so. There is only one reason for anyone of his age and education to be that ill-informed: he is fuckin’ stupid.

A quick perusal of the current crop of Republican politicians is rife with displays of unending fuckin’ stupidity. Sarah Palin was too stupid to come up with the name of a single newspaper she read while campaigning. Worse, she was too stupid to even fake it by naming any newspaper (even if she had to resort to lying, which is considered a virtue among you), rather than look like what she was: too fuckin’ stupid to handle the responsibilities of local dog-catcher, no less those of the vice presidency.

Mitt Romney’s current campaign for the presidency is rife with stupidity. Once caught in the glare of the “where are the tax returns” headlights, instead of hoping the story dies down and disappears, Mitt has continued to bring the topic up himself repeatedly. That’s because he’s too fuckin’ stupid to do otherwise.

Michele Bachmann. There’s a reason why she’s known as Michele “Batshit Crazy” Bachmann throughout the blogosphere. The woman believes that Muslim terrorists are infiltrating the US government. She also believes her husband is “straight”. Like I said, too fuckin’ stupid. And yet you people vote for her, time and again.

These are just a few paltry examples of fuckin’ stupidity within your party’s ranks. The list goes on far beyond that – but you’re probably too fuckin’ stupid to retain any more information than can be communicated beyond a few short sentences.

Aside from the stupidity of your politicians, one need not go far afield to determine just how stupid the average GOP voter is. A few hours watching Fox News leaves no doubt.

My favorite demonstration thereof was their showing footage of what was allegedly a Teabagger event held in D.C., allegedly attended by hundreds of thousands of people. The only problem being that the footage was from Obama’s inauguration in January, while the Teabagger gathering was held in the summer. How’d they get away with that? Well, it probably has a lot to do with knowing their viewing audience is too fuckin’ stupid to realize that people don’t parade around in winter coats under bare trees in the middle of June.

Over the past few years, we have heard from Republicans that the earth is 6,000 years old, that dinosaurs cavorted with humans on Noah’s ark like a below-decks scene from Titanic, that global warming is a hoax, that evolution is an unsubstantiated theory – and now we learn that not only is there such a thing as “legitimate rape” but that women can simply block the process of impregnation via some kind of automated mindset clicking in at the moment of what could have been conception.

Look, I have no doubt that there are some good people among you, despite your unbelievable lack of knowledge about basic biology, astronomy, archaeology, paleontology, world history, global geography – and the rest of that stuff you can’t be bothered to educate yourselves about.

But the truth is we don’t want people who are that fuckin’ stupid having a say in how our government is run. We don’t want someone who couldn’t pass a high school history class deciding what textbooks the next generation will learn from; we don’t want people who still question the idea that the Earth revolves around the Sun in charge of our science programs – and above all, we don’t want those who think that women can avoid pregnancy by simply picking up unwanted sperm with their mind powers and shaking’ it like a dog to be anywhere near a position of responsibility.

If you were paying the least bit of attention, you would know that we’ve already had a too fuckin’ stupid man in the White House – and it didn’t exactly turn out well. That would be George Dubya Bush, the man who your party has determined you should forget all about – and you’ve been just fuckin’ stupid enough to follow instructions without a second thought.

Anyone with a modicum of common sense knows that while the current Republican powers-that-be are bemoaning the unemployment rate and the unwieldy deficit, it was their POTUS who inherited a surplus and turned it into the worst debt our nation has ever known, while they cheered him on. But they bank on you being too fuckin’ stupid to remember how we got where we are, and too fuckin’ stupid to put two and two together and come up with anything less than a brazillion.

So there you have it, my friends on the other side of the aisle. It’s not just that we abhor your party’s stupidity – we will do whatever we can to ensure that stupidity does not find its way into the governance of our nation, the minds of our children, nor our country’s contribution to international discourse.

Let’s remember that if voters had to pass an IQ test in order to cast their ballots, the Republican party wouldn’t have a single representative in office. And now that I’ve brought up the possibility, it might be a good place to start.