Romney/Ryan Campaign Releases Medicare Plan Details

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Responding to repeated calls to provide more details as to how a Romney Administration would overhaul Medicare as promised, campaign officials today released an outline of the GOP ticket’s prescription to save the ailing entitlement program.

The most anticipated, and consequently most controversial part of the plan – known as ‘New Romneycare’ — focuses on how Medicare would deal with those who do not – or cannot – purchase private insurance after receiving their Federal Premium Assistance (Voucher).

According to the outline, uninsured seniors in need of medical treatment would be able to simply call a toll-free number and provide one of the many Medicare professionals at a phone bank (located just outside Karachi, Pakistan) with their name and address.

Arrangements would then be made to have them transported – via a ‘New Romneycare’ approved vehicle – to a new type of specially designed facility described in the plan as “A Nice Farm Upstate” where, according to senior Romney health care policy advisor Mark E. Dissaud, “They’ll have lots of room and fresh air and a lot of friends their age around. It will be a much better life than they would have had at home, or worse yet, in an expensive traditional hospital or long-term care facility.”

House Speaker John Boehner hailed the ‘New Romneycare’ plan as “the breakthrough idea we’ve been searching for to consolidate, and thereby improve, the level of care provided — especially to those most in need — while cutting costs at the same time.”

After promising to “have a bill passed and ready for the new President’s signature by his first day in office,” The Bronze Clod added, “And if this program proves to be as effective a cost-saver as I believe it will, we’ll work to expand it to every American — regardless of age — who is uninsured or on Medicaid, thereby achieving our goal of universal coverage without resorting to either a socialist single-payer system or Obamacare-style Death Panels.”

Another prominent GOP leader, conservative radio talk show host and pharmaceutical aficionado Rush Limbaugh was also quick to jump on the bandwagon, bellowing at his listeners, “When ‘New Romneycare’ is finally rolled out, it will be the greatest American success story since ‘New Coke’ was introduced in 1985!”

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