Your Democracy Spoiled My Lunch!

This is it folks. This may be the most entitled, douchiest letter to the editor you’ll ever read. The writer thanked Illinois public employees fighting to save their pensions at the state fair last week, but not for the reason you may expect.

I want to thank the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees for its loud protest of Gov. Pat Quinn last Wednesday. They spoiled my lunch at the Pork Patio.

One day a year, we take our grandson to the state fair and get a chance to eat at the Pork Patio. This year, the union protesters spoiled it. I really enjoyed the AFSCME protester standing on the table right next to my lunch.

I won’t include his name because he might be an otherwise decent person who just had a bad day. That being said… really?

Who cares that the pensions and retiree health care these workers were promised in exchange for years of work are being threatened?! Who cares that they’re having the fight of their lives against a state government that finds money for millions in special corporate tax breaks but not for pensions?! All that really matters is that someone interrupted this man’s oh-so-important lunch.

statler_waldorf_lunch

It’s a good thing he wasn’t around to whine about his lunch at other inconvenient moments in history! Just imagine:

“I would like to thank the members of SNCC who interrupted my lunch at Woolworth’s the other day when they refused to sit in the proper section reserved for them…”

“Dear General Eisenhower, I was attempting to enjoy my annual picnic on the beaches of Normandy this past June when a group of your soldiers rudely rushed by…”

“I would like to thank Ms. Rosa Parks for making me late for my lunch appointment when she refused to follow instructions clearly given to her by the bus driver…”

In the future, I hope everyone will please be careful to not let your democracy interfere with this man’s lunch!

© 2012 Willinois. This article is reproduced by permission of the author. All rights reserved.