Thanks in Advance

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After a lifetime of being a liberal Democrat, I thought I’d take a walk on the wild side and try to embrace the right-wingitude brigade, just to see what the GOP is offering these days to its membership.

However, after perusing the brochures and other related material, I find myself with more than a few questions about the organization. Could some Republican please answer my queries? As always, spelling does count – so don’t hesitate to ask for assistance!

I’ve heard from several GOP quarters that the Republicans have always been the party of the working man. I’m trying to find a single thing that the Republicans have done for the hard-working middle-class in recent history, but keep coming up empty. Could you possibly remind me of the many, many things the GOP has accomplished on their behalf? TIA.

You seem to be promoting the same old “trickle-down” theory, along with the notion that if the wealthy “job creators” have little regulation and lower tax burdens, jobs will be plentiful. You’ve advanced this theory before – and have acted upon it. Can you tell me where all the jobs are as a result of doing things your way? TIA.

Being of the female persuasion, I think young women should have role models to look to for guidance should they decide on a career in politics – or as much of a political career as females can expect to have in the Republican Party. All I’ve found thus far are crazed psycho-bitches like Ann Coulter, mean-to-the-bone harridans like Jan Brewer, so-dumb-I-don’t-realize-my-husband-is-gay ditzes like Michele Bachmann, and the ever-popular Sarah Palin, who has yet to express a single coherent thought. I would be more than appreciative if you could send me a list of RW females who aren’t bat-shit crazy. TIA.

I thought that a careful study of your recent POTUS/VPOTUS candidates would enlighten me as to how the Republicans would better govern than a Democratic prez and vice-prez. Romney and Ryan seemed to have so much going for them – if you don’t count the lies, the obfuscation, the out-of-our-ass facts and statistics, etc. If you could compile a list of things they said, individually or collectively, that have any connection to reality, I might be on my way to understanding what the fuck they were talking about. TIA.

Your religious icons are, while not wholly respectable, totally recognizable. However, I admit to being confused when men like Billy Graham do a complete 180 on Mormonism, having deleted all references to it being a “cult” on his website after years of declaring that is exactly what Mormonism is. Given the hissyfit the GOP had over Obama’s religious beliefs, I was under the impression that complete transparency about one’s faith is sacrosanct in RW circles. Where can I go to find out more about the Planet Kolob? It sounds like a place where “good Christian family values” are held in high esteem, given the appropriate Magic Underwear is worn while famous dead people are posthumously baptized into “the faith.” TIA.

While we’re on the topic of transparency, will Mitt Romney be releasing his tax returns anytime soon? I just KNOW I’ll have a much better sense of what the Republicans stand for if I can see exactly how much money their most recent candidate has parked offshore in tax-free havens, and how much he profited by shipping US jobs overseas. Perhaps his business model can be used by other patriotic citizens so as to keep America safe from terrorist organizations like the IRS? TIA.

In addition, I wonder if Romney can explain his Five Point Plan to reduce the deficit, lower taxes across-the-board, and still balance the budget. He promised to do so after the election – but never specified that he had to win before disclosing his plan. It seems rather unpatriotic for someone who claims to have a definitive way of accomplishing something so overwhelmingly positive for the country to keep it to himself – in the same way McCain said he “knew” how to get Osama Bin Laden during his campaign, but refused to share that information after having been defeated. Why does the GOP feel that their grand ideas for solving everything that ails the nation should be kept permanently under wraps? TIA.

Despite your obvious distaste for Barack Obama, he IS the current and future POTUS. Your determination to oppose him on every issue, without regard to the well-being of the country, seems to be a blatant attempt to hold the welfare of your countrymen hostage in order to have things your way. Can you offer a coherent argument as to why the welfare of your fellow citizens should be dependent on the Democrats’ willingness to give in to your stubborn temper tantrums? TIA.

Looking at things from a your-side-of-the-aisle perspective, I can’t help but wonder why you consistently proffer and support complete idiots for higher office. Wouldn’t the party’s goals be better served by running intelligent folks who understand that the earth is more than 6,000 years old, that global warming is not a hoax dreamed up by Al Gore, that women’s bodies do not automatically prevent conception during rape, that dinosaurs never lived side-by-side with – well, I think you get the picture. Wouldn’t someone with a solid education, a familiarity with science and biology, and just plain common sense make better candidates for elected office? TIA.

I have to admit I have a problem with the spokes-mouths you consistently offer up to represent the party’s viewpoint on political talk shows and news programs. I don’t pretend to be an expert on things like international affairs, domestic policy, military strategery – or whatever else these people claim to have some knowledge about. But it would seem that having some actual facts at-the-ready would come across as much more appealing than simply spewing easily-debunked, factless bullshit, day-in, day-out. Have you considered getting some articulate, well-educated people to represent the Republican viewpoint – people armed with actual facts and statistics, rather than just making shit up and hoping no one notices? TIA.

The other thing I can’t help but notice (and maybe it’s just a matter of living in the real world, as opposed to your version of it, for so many years) is that Republicans seem to come in only one color, one religion and, more often than not, one gender. I come into contact with hundreds of non-white, non-Christian, non-male Americans on a regular basis, so I know they exist. Are they excluded from the GOP deliberately, or are they just under-represented in the party because – by virtue of their race, their religious beliefs, their gender – they don’t have anything to add to the political discussion that doesn’t exclusively serve the purposes of Old White Men? TIA.

I hate to be picky, but I am struggling with this notion of the GOP being the party of “good family Christian values,” especially when said values are expounded upon by people who have been oft-married to the mistresses they left their previous wives for, spend their time clad in soiled diapers at the local brothel, have been charged as being “deadbeat dads,” have been caught stealing from the public cookie jar, etc. Have you considered using non-hypocrites to push the “good Christian” meme – assuming you have any on hand? TIA.

There’s also this other “Christian values” thingy I can’t get quite straight. Christianity is based on looking out for the poor, the downtrodden, the sick, the dying, the homeless. So I’m wondering why the good Christians in the Republican party consistently do all in their power to ensure that these people are not taken care of. Do you follow the example of a different Christ than everyone else? If so, can you tell me more about this fuck-you-if-you’re-poor, sick or hungry “Christ” that I’ve never heard of? TIA.

And finally there is this Fox News thingy I just can’t wrap my head around – especially that “fair and balanced” slogan. The on-air “journalists” all strike me as being ill-informed, ill-educated airheads. Are these people for real, or are they actors playing air-headed journalists on TV strictly for laughs? TIA.

I realize that I am not what your party is looking for in terms of new recruits. I tend to think for myself, dismiss “facts” that are easily disproven, believe that my country includes those other than Old White Men, refuse to STFU because I’m a woman, want to hear more than “just trust us” from a party that has proven itself untrustworthy, need to understand how tax cuts for the wealthiest individuals and corporations benefit the common citizen, want to know how corporate welfare to multi-billion dollar corporations is better for the economy than welfare to those citizens who need to be fed, clothed and sheltered as a prelude to becoming contributing members of society – you know, the usual stuff any thinking person would be curious about in terms of what you’re sellin’ before they consider buyin’.

No doubt the answers to my queries will be quickly forthcoming, just chock full o’ details as to how the Republicans are still the best choice to govern the nation, despite all evidence to the contrary – so again, THANKS IN ADVANCE!