Take Five (One More for the Road to Perdition edition)

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ONE: Hic.

A few weeks back, I mentioned Benjamin Foster, a Pawlenty campaign worker in Iowa who got himself all drunxed up one night, tried to enter a strange house, and scared the hell out of a teenage girl. The girl’s father resolved the matter by keeping a shotgun trained on Foster until police arrived.

Within hours of that incident, the Pawlenty campaign’s tiny Wurlitzer had pulled out all the stops in a damage control effort. Pawlenty spokesperson Eric Woolson sternly declaimed:

“Governor Pawlenty is extremely disappointed in Ben’s actions and his behavior does not meet the standards he expects of his employees…”

Well, it took a while, but I think I’ve finally found the standards he does expect of his employees; not only should they drink imprudently, they should then hop in a car and go for a spin:

GOP presidential contender Tim Pawlenty announced Erik Helland’s hiring in a press release last week, noting that the two-term Iowa state legislator would head his Iowa staff.

The state House Majority Whip’s background includes a stint as a field staffer for John McCain’s 2008 presidential campaign. His background also includes a drunken driving arrest for which he appears to still be on probation.

But wait, there’s more!

Last month, Pawlenty selected eight activists to serve on his New Hampshire steering committee. One of them, former Nashua Alderman Dave MacLaughlin, is a convicted felon in Massachusetts, having been convicted three times for drunken driving. He served six months in jail and will be on probation until mid-July.

Now, before you start casting any holier-than-them aspersions, Mr. or Ms. Fancypants Progressive, ask yourself this: If you worked for Tim Pawlenty, wouldn’t you drink to excess? If you’ve ever so much as heard him speak, didn’t it make you want to run screaming for the nearest tavern? If you were merely blogging about Pawlenty, wouldn’t your first priority thereafter – and pronto! – be to embark on a stupendous bender?

Hell, I suspect even Tim Pawlenty is smart enough to realize all this. It’s just shy of miraculous that he hasn’t driven himself to drink. And I’d explore that idea further, but I’m suddenly mighty thirsty. Continue reading Take Five (One More for the Road to Perdition edition)

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