Country Divided Over Congressional Recess

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Should Congress continue as normal with its summer recess, or return to Washington to work on the myriad of crises facing the country?

It appears that the people are as divided on this issue as their representatives are on everything else, albeit with a far more civil tone.

“Who let these bastards leave their posts in the first place?” asked longtime credit card model John Q. Public, “Can you name anybody else who screws up their job that bad who doesn’t get fired – let alone a five-week paid vacation?”

Others expressed a desire to see both the House and Senate remain in session for other reasons.

“I want to know they’re in Washington and not among the general population – especially young children,” said Fr. John W. Gacy of Our Lady of the Holy Assault Weapon Church in Devil’s Lake, South Dakota, “when they’re back in their states and districts, they always seem to find excuses to spend time in and around schools.  Frankly, it weirds me out.  I feel better knowing I can turn on C-Span and get a live shot of their empty seats, knowing that there’s a slim chance they could show up on my screen at any moment.”

Others, however, see things differently.  Most who favored that the summer recess continue shared the view that those in office should have ample time to meet face-to-face with their constituents, with priorities ranging from ‘so they can face the music’ to ‘so they can see what they have done’ to ‘so that the voters can not only share, but also demonstrate how they feel’.

Of course, others cited different reasons. Continue reading Country Divided Over Congressional Recess

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Wall Street Analysts Initiate Coverage of Tea Party

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In the wake of last Friday’s Standard & Poor’s downgrade of the United States’ long-term debt — which focused in large part on the effect that the nation’s political climate may have on its future creditworthiness – nine Wall Street  brokerage houses today took the unprecedented step of issuing ratings on the Tea Party, with six announcing that they will also initiate coverage of actual political parties in the coming weeks.

“More and more savvy investors are seeing the connection between their elected officials and their bottom lines,” noted Citigroup’s Juniper Toomey, “so we felt it only proper to provide insight that might keep more of our clients away from rooftops, bridges, and open windows between now and the 2012 elections.”

Analysts at Citigroup, like six of the eight others, initiated its Tea Party coverage with a ‘Sell’ rating, indicating their belief that the movement’s value will decline by 15% or more within the next 12 months.  Ms. Toomey, who authored the report explaining their outlook, told reporters, “The last several years have seen cataclysmic shifts in political climates, particularly those in the United States and the oil rich Middle East.  The uncertainty caused by the present U.S. climate – ushered in by the ‘Tea Party Era’– results from uneasiness on the part of investors that a representative democracy can adequately function without compromise.  Or to put it in layman’s terms, ‘the fastest way to find a bottom is to put a bunch of assholes in charge’.”

Tea Party Patriots spokesman Weir Dippschitz dismissed the analyst’s claims, saying, “The whole notion of ‘political climate change’ is nothing more than a left-wing hoax based on dubious science and economics used as an excuse to defend big government and gay marriage.  O.k. – so the market is down more than 10% in the last two trading sessions.  People forget that the market dropped 22% in one day back in October of 1987.  Not coincidentally, that was also the last time we had a liberal in the White House who also raised taxes on job creators – even going so far as to make the top bracket 50%.” Continue reading Wall Street Analysts Initiate Coverage of Tea Party

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