It’s the April Fool’s Day edition of Sunday Talks! However – no fooling! – Joe Biden is going to be on Face the Nation. Not to worry, though. There are still plenty of fools hitting the Sunday . . . → Read More: Sunday Talks, 4/1/12
 Comments are closed  Sunday Talks  Charles Schumer, Chris Van Hollen, Dutch Ruppersberger, Haley Barbour, Howard Dean, Joe Biden, Mike Rogers, Mitch McConnell, Newt Gingrich, paul ryan, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul
Dear Ricky: I just received an email from you and, given that it starts off with “Nance”, I’m assuming we’re now on a first-name basis. I am still a bit perplexed as to (a) how you got my personal email address, and (b) why you would be sending your campaign literature to me, an until-death-us-do-part Democrat. However, being as you took the time to contact me, I thought it appropriate to respond. “Our campaign continues to pick up steam and generate press. In just the past four days, we won the Louisiana primary, received national attention for calling out the New York Times, and received kind words of support from Governor Sarah Palin.” Well, here’s the thing, Ricky, right off the top: generating press can be a real positive for a candidate hoping to win his party’s nomination for the presidency. However, since most of the press coverage I’ve seen is due to your inane remarks, your abject stupidity, your total non-grasp of the issues, and your blatant hypocrisy, I wouldn’t exactly put that coverage in the plus column. That being said, I especially appreciated the publicity you, the holier-than-thou Christian boy, garnered by yelling “bullshit!” in response to a reporter’s query. No doubt that went over really well with the Fundies you have been pandering to. As for the support from Sarah Palin, here’s a word to the wise: She’s a whackjob. I wouldn’t go bragging about her support. That kind of endorsement is something you want to keep under your sweater-vest – if you get my meaning. “Mitt Romney and his liberal media machine would like nothing better than for us to go away.” Mitt Romney has a “liberal media machine”? I’m not quite sure what that statement means – along with most of what you say about anything, to be perfectly frank. Mitt Romney is in no way a liberal, and there is no such thing as the “liberal media” – so I’m a bit confused as to where you thought you were headed with that comment. And I have a feeling you’re equally confused – well, you always look so confused, I just assume that you really are. “But conservatives know we can win — and across the country they are calling, emailing, and telling us they want us to redouble our efforts. You can help us do that — and reaffirm your support for the campaign – by making an online donation of $5, $25, $50, $100 or more right now.” At this point, I have to ask: If conservatives from all over the country know you can win, and are calling, emailing, and telling you they want you to redouble your efforts, why aren’t they putting their money where their mouths allegedly are? It would seem that if you’re really the people’s choice, they’d be more than happy to cough up a few bucks. “Today only, we are going to send all online donors a special token of our appreciation. Donate $5 or more before midnight Eastern time, and we will send you a campaign bumpersticker via mail.” Well, that’s a major disappointment. Here I was ready to send you a million or two – kind of along the lines of a pity fuck – but the check won’t clear until tomorrow, so I guess I’m shit out of luck. And I really wanted that bumpersticker, too. My neighbors already think I’m nuts – I would have enjoyed confirming it for them. “It’s time conservatives take a stand. We don’t need to accept what the mainstream media and establishment tell us to think.” It’s not the mainstream media who are telling Republicans what to think, Ricky – it’s FOX News. Maybe you should ask your party’s own propaganda network to give you a break, and extol your many virtues – oh, except they’re too busy telling everyone that Romney’s nomination is a done deal. We all know what sheep Republican voters are; too bad the shepherds aren’t the least bit interested in what you have to say. “I am convinced that whoever can activate grassroots conservatives will not only secure the nomination – but will have the honor of defeating Barack Obama in the fall.” I don’t know what you’re smokin’, dude, but it’s obviously some primo shit. At this point in the game, your party can’t even count on your conservative base. Now that the GOP has pissed off women, union members, the unemployed, the college-educated, the disabled, veterans, and everyone who is benefiting from Obamacare, even your once loyal voters are dwindling down to a precious few. Continue reading Ricky, PLEASE Lose This Number Comments are closed Nance Rants 2012 election, Barack Obama, Fox News, Mitt Romney, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin The White House is in full campaign mode Sunday, with senior adviser David Plouffe hitting four of the five major network television talk shows. Plouffe, who managed President Barack Obama’s 2008 campaign, stops by “Fox News Sunday,” . . . → Read More: Sunday Talks, 3/25/12 Comments are closed Sunday Talks Charles Schumer, David Plouffe, Lindsey Graham, Michele Bachmann, paul ryan, Rick Santorum, Rick Scott, Sunday Talks Actor and activist George Clooney shares this Sunday’s show spotlight with Republican presidential rivals Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum. (Note to Mitt and Rick: the two of you together don’t add up to a Clooney.) Both Clooney, . . . → Read More: Sunday Talks, 3/18/12 Comments are closed Sunday Talks Anita Dunn, David Axelrod, Ed Gillespie, Eklil Hakimi, George Clooney, John McCain, Mitt Romney, paul ryan, Reince Priebus, Rick Santorum, Sunday Talks
Last Tuesday – Super Tuesday! – was supposed to usher in the end game of their epic Clash of the Titmice, but of course it did no such thing. Romney remains the likely nominee, yes, but even Republicans find him as appealing as chlamydia, and Santorum is still accruing enough delegates to continue believing he has a shot. Hell, given the overarching weirdness of this entire Republican primary cycle, maybe he does. Romney still outpaces Santorum more than two to one in delegates, but nearing mid-March he’s still not even halfway to the 1,144 needed to clinch the nomination. Meanwhile, GOP voters in Alaska, mavericks that they are, went for Ron Paul, and Georgia Republicans, the sentimental fools, provided Newt Gingrich with another notch on his bedpost. I’m expecting that Gingrich will bow out soon after picking up some face-saving delegates in tomorrow’s Mississippi and Alabama primaries, assuming there’s also some sort of quid pro quo involved, like a major cabinet position in a (mercifully fictitious) Santorum administration. All of which is to say, really, that Superfluous Tuesday sucked. Nothing was decided, no tear-stained, deep-down-special “suspension” announcements ensued, no Rubicon was crossed, no Last Stand was fought nor Last Supper served. This isn’t surprising, though. As they’ve proven over and over for months now, Republicans can’t even do being wrong right anymore. Mitt Romney, for example, delivered himself of a predictably crappy little speech in Snellville, Georgia on March 5. Then he fielded questions from the audience, including one from an 11-year-old boy about Iran getting nukes, in response to which the candidate horked this up:
It’s pretty straightforward in my view, too: there has never in my lifetime been a worse presidential candidate than Mitt Romney. Now, I know better than to hold Republicans up to even a threadbare minimum standard of common sense, genuineness or acumen, but I mean, come on. Romney’s handlers have worked their sorry asses off trying to present him as a canny manager, a shrewd colossus of high finance, a miraculous job creator who – drat the luck! – is out of work himself right now. Yet no matter how fervently some people pretend to believe this crap, everyone knows Romney’s a pathetic, pampered, poorly programmed, patently preposterous panjandrum. The only difference between his supporters and everyone else is that everyone else actually admits to loathing him. Last week, Romney’s wife Ann unhelpfully said this in response to an interview question that wasn’t really even about money:
Yes, that is interesting. I’m not a financial expert , ma’am, but maybe you need to divest some horses from your portfolio, or ports. Your family income last year was an ostensibly cushy $20 million or so, but I remember that you’re right in the middle of tearing down an oceanfront mansion in La Jolla so you can build a much, much bigger mansion on the lot. If you Romneys really were rich, you could have bought two lots, or at least a lot big enough to accommodate two huge houses at a time. Her Bertie Woosterish overtones notwithstanding, Ann Romney’s opinions sound richly human compared to some of her husband’s legendary public musings, mind. Remember when the mainstream media desperately wanted you to believe that Joe Biden was a gaffe machine? Don’t be surprised if, when this Absurdist election season is over, Mitt Romney founds an institution of higher learning offering advanced degrees in gaffology. That’s assuming, of course, that he won’t have blown his transnational bank balances by then, hurrying to his own private political Waterloo. After making an ass of himself in front of a Mississippi crowd on Thursday with unsolicited anecdotes about “y’all” lessons and his white-knuckle, living-on-the-edge introduction to grits, he doubled down on Friday in Jackson:
Yes, nothing says “genuine Deep South” like a Hilton Garden Inn. Romney’s campaign team probably wishes the hotel had served up a side order of gag with those grits, but at this point I suppose they’re numb. The point of no return for them might have been that day they got to stand by while their boss compared Daytona 500 fans’ rain ponchos to garbage bags and confessed that he doesn’t follow NASCAR closely, but has friends who own racing teams. Just this morning, Romney marked his 65th birthday in a Mobile downpour, huddled under an awning with supporters:
Stay tuned! Next up, in a nod to a great former President, Mitt falls in love with pork rinds as he discovers supermarket checkout scanners, and in a shrewd, postmodern twist, executes a tricky leveraged buyout of the scanner company. Continue reading Slouching Towards Tampa (Superfluous Tuesday edition) Comments are closed Slouching Towards Tampa 2012 election, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Slouching Towards Tampa Republican presidential politics will again anchor this Sunday’s television talk shows, with rivals Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich making the rounds. Santorum, the former senator from Pennsylvania who won three states on Super Tuesday and finished a . . . → Read More: Sunday Talks, 3/11/12 Comments are closed Sunday Talks Bob McDonnell, Charles Schumer, Dick Gephardt, Harry Reid, Marsha Blackburn, Martin O'Malley, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Robert Gibbs, Steve Forbes, Sunday Talks, Tim Pawlenty
Word of the announcement spread like wildfire as several of the lunchtime throng seated in the main dining room of the Whitewater, Wisconsin Applebee’s realized that the seemingly disoriented individual who had just emerged from the restaurant’s banquet room to disturb their midday meal was no ordinary rambling lunatic, and apparently something important was afoot. While several took to Twitter and Facebook to document their presence at this unprecedented, historic event, another called a local newspaper to suggest they send a reporter. “I honestly couldn’t believe my luck — this is probably the best scoop I’ll get all year,” said Skippy Fartbuster, editor-in-chief of the Whitewater Central High Weekly Bugle, who took the call. In a Fartbuster exclusive, Priebus explained RNC strategy going forward: Continue reading RNC to Suspend Presidential Primaries, Introduce New Logo Comments are closed The Desperate Blogger Chris Christie, Election, GOP, Jeb Bush, Joe the Plumber, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Newton Toomey, paul ryan, Reince Priebus, Republican Primary, Rick Santorum, RNC, Ron Paul
According to Pueblo State University political science professor Newton Toomey, the Romney team’s number one priority now must be to slow the momentum of former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum. “Sen. Santorum is coming up behind Gov. Romney so quickly and seemingly so suddenly that it almost appears as if they’re playing the roles of a priest and a choirboy,” Toomey observed. “And after narrowly defeating the Senator in Michigan — the state Romney was born and raised in, and which he would have lost if not for the huge lead he had built up in early voting — the campaign now realizes the importance of the so-called ‘native son’ vote. If not for the Governor’s ties to the state, there is no doubt Santorum would have carried Michigan and the Romney campaign would now be on life support.” Romney 2012 campaign manager Matt Rhoades unveiled the new strategy via conference call from the back seat of one of Mrs. Romney’s Cadillacs: Continue reading Romney Campaign Pivots to ‘National Home State’ Strategy Comments are closed The Desperate Blogger Campaign 2012, Michigan Primary, Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Steve Schmidt, Super Tuesday
“There’s nothing – there’s no gift, no Christmas gift, that could be given better than Rick Santorum to the Democrats… he basically has no chance… what’s the whole purpose, what’s the purpose of working, working, working, going out voting, doing your thing if the person has no chance of getting elected…” Trump was asked if he would consider an independent run if Santorum were to clinch the Republican nomination:
Which would be grimly funny to watch, but it will never happen. Trump has done this bit so many times now that he’s sucked all the life out of it. Where’s the in-your-face braggadocio and devil-may-care lack of couth he brought to it when he first took it out on the road last year?
And now he’s content to be a Romney shill. Maybe he’s hoping to write off his endorsement-related expenses as a charitable donation to the less fortunate. Speaking of shills, former candidate Rick Perry is now backing Newt Gingrich, but dreams die hard:
Indeed it could, since in 2016 Republicans won’t be attempting to unseat Barack Obama, but simply to succeed him. Someday maybe Republicans will be able to look back on this election cycle and laugh; until then, it’s the rest of us who get to do the laughing. One Republican who could really use some nyuks is Ed Rollins. Rollins cut his teeth on national politics with CREEP in ’72 and later worked in the Ford and Reagan administrations. He managed Reagan’s 1984 campaign and Jack Kemp’s in 1988, briefly co-managed Ross Perot’s 1992 campaign, and was national campaign chair for Mike Huckabee in 2008. Continue reading Slouching Towards Tampa (From Noxious to Obnoxious edition) Comments are closed Slouching Towards Tampa 2012 election, Donald Trump, Ed Rollins, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum
Facing possible defeat in his childhood home state of Michigan, Romney also used the occasion of this announcement to take a swipe at the fiscal history and credentials of his chief rival, Catholic conservative Rick Santorum. Santorum’s gain in momentum in recent weeks has, in the view of most experts, made him a serious threat to come from behind and barrel right through the current front-runner. “While Senator Santorum’s views on gay rights and contraception are well documented, so too is his record when it comes to fiscal responsibility and pork-barrel spending in the form of earmarks,” Romney told an enthusiastic gathering of supporters at a family get-together. “Under my plan, there would be little or no cost to the American taxpayers. On the other hand, I’ll bet anyone here $10,000 that Mr. Santorum would propose incarcerating these offenders in brand-new maximum-security penitentiaries costing billions of dollars to build — let alone the cost of staffing and maintaining them as well as paying to feed, clothe, and otherwise care for the inmates. On top of that I’ll bet you another $10,000 that he would propose these penitentiaries be constructed in his home state of Pennsylvania. The country should expect nothing less from a Washington insider.” When asked to which country or countries he planned to deport offenders under the plan, Gov. Romney responded, “That will have to be determined at a later date — but I can tell you that I would not favor deportation to Mexico since we still have a lot of family there.” Continue reading Romney Calls for Deportation of Gays, Women Who Use Contraception Comments are closed The Desperate Blogger 2012 election, contraception culture wars, gay rights, GOP, Michigan Primary, Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum |
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