A WORD, If I May?

A word with Richard “The Dick” Cheney:

You recently made the following statement on the Sean Hannity Show:

“I watched Benghazi with great interest, Sean, and I think it is one of worst incidents, frankly, that I can recall in my career.”

Really, dick? Apparently your memory of the events you’ve seen over the span of your career is faulty at best, or you are yet again engaging in a deliberate, self-serving attempt to catapult the propaganda your administration was famous for.

I would think (as would most people, I’m sure) that lying a nation into war might stand out in one’s memory as one of the “worst incidents” to be recalled in one’s career – especially when one was actually the author of those lies.

Let me refresh your memory as to what YOU are responsible for – and maybe you can explain your faulty memory to the following:

Every soldier who lost his or her life fighting a war based on your lies.

Every child growing up without a mom or a dad, because a parent never made it home from their tour.

Every mother and father who grieves the loss of a son or daughter who died on a battlefield created for your political goals.

Every widow and widower who will never hold a beloved spouse again due to your malicious dishonesty.

Every man or woman who had to bury a cherished brother or sister, niece or nephew, cousin or friend, as a result of your blatant untruths.

Every community that lost a neighbor, a local merchant, a selfless firefighter, a dedicated teacher, a devoted healthcare practitioner, a skilled craftsman, an auto mechanic, a plumber, an electrician – and all of those who contributed to their community in ways great and small.

Every soldier who will spend his/her life in a wheelchair, or a hospital bed – every soldier who will never experience another peaceful night’s sleep due to the nightmares they came to know in the furtherance of your contrived “war.”

Add to the above every Iraqi mother who watched her child killed or maimed due to your lies, or cradles a baby born with horrific birth defects thanks to your endless pursuit of carnage at any cost.

Every Iraqi father who was made to stand helplessly as he saw his son dragged off to Abu Ghraib, or cried hopelessly as his traumatized daughter described the violence she witnessed and endured.

Every Iraqi citizen who saw their beautiful country systematically destroyed, their culture spat upon, their priceless art stolen, their invaluable archaeological treasures pillaged, their revered ancient sites reduced to rubble.

Every Iraqi child who was orphaned, every school that was leveled, every hospital that was blown out of existence, every business that was shuttered, every citizen who had his religious beliefs disgraced, every man, woman and child who watched their homeland decimated while you masturbated to the sounds of “shock and awe.”

Every man or woman who was imprisoned, every man or woman who was tortured; every potential ally who was turned into a potential terrorist, bent on revenge against all Americans for what was done to their people, under your direction, in America’s name.

Every world citizen who once revered the American way of life, and now despises it. Every global neighbor who once respected our nation, and now abhors it. Continue reading A WORD, If I May?

Take Five (Busyness as Usual edition)

ONE: Brainy Nights in Georgia

In the wake of the Newtown massacre and other recent mass gun murders, the NRA helpfully busied itself with supporting secession for Wisconsin, decrying the “vicious, violent videogames” that they insist provoke (conveniently well-armed) people to indulge in vicious violence, and, um, rolling out their new videogame.

In vivid contrast, Georgia legislator Paul Battles, being a pragmatic guy, thought and thought and thought about how best to protect children, and after all that thinking came up with House Bill 35:

The Georgia House of Representatives Rules Committee will consider a bill this week that would let school systems arm their staff members. House Bill 35 allows school systems to designate administrators, teachers, or other staff members to carry concealed weapons.

Now, before you go making any mistaken assumptions about Battles, a – surprise! – Republican, he emphatically rejects the suggestion that he’s, you know, a gun nut or something:

“From the very beginning, I’ve said this is a school security piece of legislation,” said Battles. “It’s not about guns. It’s about securing our schools.”

House Bill 35 immediately made me think of Mrs. Hale, my 6th grade teacher, who had a pronounced esotropic strabismus. Forgive me, Mrs. Hale, but I’m very glad you were never packing in our placid Savannah classroom. That I know of, anyway.

The bill passed out of the Public Safety and Homeland Security Committee last week. And Rep. Battles says that was the biggest hurdle, adding, “I’m sure we’ll have a lively debate on the floor, but I feel like it has great momentum.”

Oh. Great, then.

But inane legislation in Georgia is often a bipartisan thing. State Rep. Earnest Smith, a – crap! – Democrat, is all riled up about Photoshop, especially when it’s used to make fun of Earnest Smith:

… Smith pointed, as proof of the problem, to a picture of his head that was recently edited onto a porn star’s body. That image was created by a blogger who used the image to mock Smith.

Last word to Andre Walker of Georgia Politics Unfiltered, the pixel surgeon responsible for the digital transplant:

“I cannot believe Rep. Earnest Smith thinks I’m insulting him by putting his head on the body of a well-built porn star.”

TWO: “Nothing has changed.”

Attendees at this year’s Conservative Political Action Conference can expect to see the likes of Rand Paul, Scott Walker, Allen West and Marco Rubio whip up the sort of rank gumbo of exaggerations, distortions, outright falsehoods and nutrition-free bromides that has kept previous CPAC crowds in drooling thrall.

But wait, there’s more!

Someone named Mitt Romney, who apparently once ran for President, will speak, as will someone named Sarah Palin, who apparently once ran for Vice President.

Of course, I’m being facetious. While I really have no idea who Mitt Romney is, I do remember Sarah Palin. She’s the former mayor of Wasilla who burdened the town with astonishing municipal debt, before going on to become the former Alaska governor who resigned halfway through her term, after burning through many thousands of dollars of public money for no good reason. She did leave her successor a tanning bed, though.

Indications are that Alaska voters have put down their bongs and would now prefer Hillary Clinton over Palin by a 16-point margin in a hypothetical presidential election cage match. Even better, Public Policy Polling also asked respondents to choose their preference of Congress or Palin, and Congress, for all its legendary disapproval ratings, beat Palin 50% to 35%.

And wait, there’s less!

AMERICABlog pointedly notes that CPAC 2013 will again feature the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre, a man determined to live the rest of his wretched life being less popular than gonorrhea, but the conclave has once again barred GOProud, a high-profile gay conservative organization.

“We got kicked out last year because we are gay,” tweeted GOProud Executive Director Jimmy LaSalvia. “Nothing has changed. We won’t be at CPAC.”

However unintentionally, Mr. LaSalvia has just given CPAC a perfect new slogan. “Nothing has changed,” indeed.

THREE: Squawking Heads Redux

In light of recent news that Palin and Fox News have parted company, followed shortly after by the network axing Dick Morris (the World’s Wrongest ManTM), you might be concerned that Fox is going to suffer an acute stupidity deficit. Fear not. They’ve announced with great fanfare that both Herman Cain and Scott Brown have joined the Fox conservative commentator crew.

Proving that he has never actually watched the network, Cain enthused:

“I’m excited about joining the FOX family as a contributor because it is an opportunity to be one more voice for intelligent thinking in America.”

Cain hit the ground running, which is to say he ran aground, in his first appearance with Bill O’Reilly. When the discussion turned to President Obama’s popularity, Cain gave viewers this taste of his intelligent thinking:

“We have a severe ignorance problem with the people who are so mesmerized by his popularity that they are not looking at the facts…

“Martin Luther King Jr. said 50 years ago in 1963 something that is so appropriate to today… There is nothing more dangerous than serious ignorance, and that’s what we have and he gets away with it with the help of establishment media.”

Really? Cain’s new employer has spent more than a decade atop the cable news network heap, which strikes me as pretty much about as establishment as you can get, but maybe I just have a severe ignorance problem.

As to Brown, his first appearance was with Sean Hannity, who asked him why he didn’t want to run for John Kerry’s vacated Senate seat:

Brown… told Hannity that the pace of special elections would have put him in five campaigns in six years and that he might have had to raise another $30 to $50 million, only to “participate in a Congress that’s really dysfunctional and extremely partisan.” Instead, he said, “I felt I could make a difference being on this show…”

Mm-hmm. Far better to participate in a “news” network that’s really dysfunctional and extremely partisan than a Congress that is. Presumably, the Fox gig pays better. Continue reading Take Five (Busyness as Usual edition)

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Rush Limbaugh's Radical Roots

In a Desperate Blogger exclusive, we reveal the video that by their very own admission, friends of Rush Limbaugh have been keeping under lock and key.

The existence of this footage has been the . . . → Read More: EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Rush Limbaugh’s Radical Roots

Take Five (Big Wet Kisses of Death edition)

ONE: Orly Said Knock Him Out

The juggernaut that is the Rick Perry campaign briefly screeched to a halt in a shower of lurid sparks recently, when Governor Perry’s newest high-profile backer emerged from the fetid swamp of her fever dreams to give the former Democrat her stamp of approval. Orly Taitz – dentist, attorney and enduring embarrassment to the INS – turned up at an Orange County rally for Perry on September 9th to urge the thick-haired, thick-headed candidate to imprison Barack Obama for Social Security fraud.

Scott Keyes of ThinkProgress conducted a brief interview with Taitz, who used the occasion to extend her 49-year streak of making no sense whatsoever:

TAITZ: … I told him that you will get Obama, you will have him in prison for Social Security fraud…

KEYES: Do you think he’ll be taking that message forward, particularly with the birth certificate issue? Are you hopeful that he will?

TAITZ: I’m pretty sure they will, but I’m also sure that their strategy will be to wait and use it at the last possible moment to make sure that there is no primary challenger in the Democrat Party.

And I’m pretty sure that there has to be a judge out there somewhere who will finally put Taitz behind bars, or – better still – revoke her citizenship and have her deported back to Moldova, but despite the sanctions her preposterous birther nuisance litigations have already drawn from various courts, she still walks inexplicably free.

Even more inexplicably, Rick Perry is still the presumptive Republican nominee for 2012, and now has a potential Attorney General. Hey, she couldn’t be any worse than Alberto Gonzalez… could she? Since I’ve tiptoed into the nightmare world of a possible Perry presidency here, perhaps I can suggest to the former Democrat that he consider Taitz for Surgeon General instead, her total lack of qualifications notwithstanding. First off, she could totally rock a C. Everett Koop beard, and second, Perry needs all the help he can get regarding health care. Dr. C. Bruce Malone, president of the Texas Medical Association (what is it with these doctors and their unused first names beginning with “C”?) recently told the Los Angeles Times:”

“Texas just hasn’t proven it can run a health system.”

Yes, while Governor Perry drags his unusually large and unusually empty head around the campaign trail, vowing to repeal PPACA by Executive Order the moment he plants his ass behind the Resolute Desk, the verdict on health care in the state he “governs” just gets worse and worse:

More than a quarter of Texans lack health insurance, the highest rate in the nation…

Insurance premiums have risen more quickly in Texas than they have nationally over the last seven years. And when compared with incomes, insurance in Texas is less affordable than in every state but Mississippi…

That has taken a toll, as nearly a third of the state’s children did not receive an annual physical and a teeth cleaning in 2007, placing Texas 40th in a state ranking by the fund. Over the last decade, infant mortality rates have risen in Texas while declining nationwide…

Seniors, despite guaranteed Medicare coverage, also are suffering, as nearly 1 in 5 ends up back in the hospital within a month of being released, one of the highest re-admission rates in the country and a leading indicator of system-wide problems.

Dimly, I seem to remember a former Texas governor who went to Washington with a passel of catastrophically awful ideas he then applied to the other 49 states and to a good part of the Middle East, as well, with unsurprisingly horrific results. Maybe it’s unfair, however, for me to compare George W. Bush to Rick Perry. Bush, after all, is much, much smarter.

TWO: Islamophobes for Perry?

Whatever his enthusiasm for having Orly Taitz in his corner, Perry is undoubtedly eager to garner an endorsement from John Stemberger, Florida’s answer to questions no thinking person would ever ask:

Florida evangelical leader John Stemberger is a step away from endorsing Rick Perry for president, a big coup for the Texas governor and a loss for fellow Republican Michele Bachmann…

“We really like Michele Bachmann She has stellar credentials when it comes to our issues. She is an amazing woman. Our primary drive is principle and the issues,” Stemberger said. “But we also have to be realistic, pragmatically, and determine who’s viable.”

Stemberger said that meant he and the Florida Family Policy Council, which has an email list of about 65,000 Florida evangelical voters, had two choices.

“This is a two-man race between Mitt Romney and Rick Perry. And there’s a growing consensus among evangelical leaders and, to some degree, among those in the tea party and pro-life Catholics that Rick Perry is the most trustworthy candidate on our issues,” Stemberger said.

(Parenthetically, I have to say it’s uproariously funny to see the words “trustworthy” and “Rick Perry” in the same sentence.)

The endorsement is still up in the air, though. News of Stemberger’s musings appeared, rather breathlessly, in the St. Petersburg Times back on September 9th, and I’ve found no follow-up stories since. Then again, perhaps Stemberger is busy, what with that $10-million lawsuit still pending in Ohio over his unseemly involvement in the Rifqa Bary case. Maybe he’s still conferring with his notorious crackpot anti-Muslim bigot buddy and co-defendant Pam Geller, and just hasn’t found time to endorse Perry yet.

Or maybe Stemberger is simply still pining for a candidate with George W. Bush’s intellectual heft. Continue reading Take Five (Big Wet Kisses of Death edition)

Defiant Palin Sticks to Guns, Bludgeons Critics

In an exclusive interview with fellow Fox News personality Sean Hannity scheduled to air this evening, former half-term Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is certain to stir up even more controversy with a surprisingly blunt attack against those who have recently criticized her use of violent rhetoric.

Nearly 12 hours of videotaped run-throughs of the program furnished to The Desperate Blogger by a socialist Obama administration mole planted within the Fox network reveal a defiant Palin who — speaking within the comfort zone of her employer’s New York studios — goes on the offensive against those she calls, “enemies of freedom.”

“Anyone who would suggest that we limit the rights to free speech granted under the 18th Amendment — whether mine or anybody else’s — is an enemy to democracy and freedom who would destroy our country,” Ms. Palin said at one point, seemingly prompting Hannity’s right-hand to slip down the front of his trousers where it remained for the duration of the interview. “If the bleeding-hearts are so worried about what some looney-tunes might do when they hear someone calmly discussing the issues of the day on radio or TV, then maybe what we need to do is think about coddling the crazies a little less.” Continue reading Defiant Palin Sticks to Guns, Bludgeons Critics