Happy Holidays – just kidding… Merry Christmas to all of our subscribers! We at 1%er Talking Points hope you spend your end-of-year bonuses in good health as we all look forward to another year of unprecedented prosperity!
With that in mind, the editors would like to share with you a suggestion passed along by one of our readers who, like most of you, wishes to remain anonymously above the fray… As many of you will be attending the season’s major art auctions, you may be well advised to purchase a portfolio of works by living relative unknowns. As our anonymous source, former hedge fund CEO and Professor of Recession Economics at Pueblo State University, Newton Toomey points out, with the predictable pending upswing in the mortality rate among artists, most of whom are unemployed, uninsured, and otherwise belong with society’s other bottom-feeders, those currently producing works of merit can be expected to die in the short-to-medium term (as opposed to medium-to-long) leaving behind limited bodies of work which should appreciate handsomely in value. As an ancillary benefit, ‘supporting’ struggling artists by purchasing a warehouse full of contemporary pieces at fire-sale prices (even by today’s standards — remember, they need to buy food and pay rent) as opposed to purchasing one $20 million Rembrandt will help to solidify your credentials as a ‘job creator’.
(Disclaimer: As always, we at ‘1%er Talking Points’ bear no responsibility for any action taken by any organization, group, or individual based upon any statements or actions of ours.)
Again, Merry Christmas and a Happy and Profitable New Year!
Now, on to the task at hand:
Talking Point #1: ‘Gay Season’ is upon us. With the 2012 campaign about to enter its Primary phase, it’s time to once again divert public attention from jobs, the economy and the wars by pounding the table on behalf of good old-fashioned anti-gay family values. Now that the Kenyan anti-colonial Ivy League elitist has succeeded in getting DADT repealed and the liberal Jewish New Yorkers have legalized gay marriage, it’s time to again mobilize ‘God’s warriors’ to clog up the media’s print and air-space. But alas, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus – and he’s given us Penn State Football and Syracuse Basketball. We suggest whenever possible the merging of the anti-gay crusade with the call to eliminate all forms of public aid for education, as well, of course, as the elimination of the federal Department of Education.
Talking Point #2: ‘The 53%’. Our patrons continue to bless us with their unwavering support in spite of hard economic times, due largely in part to our esteemed marketing genius who realized that “getting them to believe they could become one of us has got to be an easier sell than a talking, burning bush or a virgin birth.” The editors hope that this past Thanksgiving our readers remembered to give thanks to all of those who complain they are supporting the ‘other 47%’ when in fact it is we who maintain our position through their diligence, loyalty, and hard work. That being said, however, we must refer to them as ‘hard working, patriotic Americans’ and the like, but NEVER as ‘the 53%’. Doing so only seems to inspire the few remaining liberal ‘goody two-shoes’ journalists who still believe that news stories should be fact-based to point out not only how small and inadequate one’s income must be to avoid paying even $1 in federal income tax, but also how much ‘the 47%’ pay in state, local, sales, property, excise, and other taxes.
Talking Point #3: Spending Cuts = Taxpayer Savings. Any federal budget cuts involving education, Medicaid, aid to states, etc. should be referred to only in the generic form, such as ‘spending cuts’, ‘increased savings’, ‘reducing wasteful expenditures’, etc. They should never be specifically referred to as anything that anyone with half-a-brain should realize is nothing more than the federal government passing the cost down to the state and local level and therefore not creating a dime of ‘Taxpayer Savings’. Continue reading 1%er Talking Points: Holiday & Pre-Primary Edition