ODS – Obama Derangement Syndrome

nance2If you believe the following, you are probably suffering from Obama Derangement Syndrome (ODS):

If Obama said it, it’s a lie. When it’s proven to be the truth, he got lucky – because it’s just a crazy coincidence that his lie turned out to be the truth after all. If he knew it was the truth, he would never have said it in the first place.

If Obama makes a speech about a specific issue, he’s just spewing pretty words. If Obama doesn’t speak on a specific issue, he’s trying to hide something. Or he should have spoken about something else entirely, because when he gets specific about one issue, that means he’s ignoring all of the really important issues he should be speaking about – those issues being whatever it was he didn’t mention.

If Obama did it, it must have been the wrong thing to do. When it turns out to have been the right thing to do, then Obama never did it. And if he did do it, he did it the wrong way. It was too little, too late – or it was too much, too soon. It went too far – while, at the same time, it didn’t go far enough. And even if it turns out to have been right, it’s still wrong.

If Obama proposed it, it can’t possibly work. When it does work, it was somebody else’s idea all along, an idea he blatantly stole just to make himself look good. That’s because he knew it would work all along – even though it can’t possibly work.

If Obama stands firm, he is being stubborn. If he seeks compromise, he is caving. Obama should lead while following. He should be more hands-on while staying out of it completely. Why can’t he take the reins and do what must be done? Why can’t he mind his own goddamned business?

If Obama acts, he shouldn’t have. If he doesn’t act, he should have. If he said he was going to act, he was lying. If he repeatedly said he was going to do something and then actually does it, he only did it because a bunch of keyboard warriors held his feet to the fire, and forced him to do it. All credit for anything and everything belongs to them.

If a survey/poll shows that the vast majority of Democrats are pleased with Obama’s performance in office, it is skewed, biased, and not to be relied on. If a respected liberal icon speaks favorably about Obama’s actions, someone got to them and forced them to say it. If a long-reviled GOPer slams Obama – well, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

If Obama achieves something, it is a trivial accomplishment of no consequence. If he fails to achieve something, the consequences are dire – in fact, it probably means the end of civilization as we know it.

If Obama appoints someone to any position, it is the wrong choice. He always should have picked the other guy – you know, the one everybody really wanted – the one who, if Obama had picked him, would have been declared the worst guy for the position the minute his appointment was announced.

If Obama stands up for gay/lesbian rights, he is pandering. If he initiates programs that help the poor and the homeless, he is pandering. If he offers proposals that will strengthen the middle class, he is pandering. And the ACA? Just a blatant attempt to pander to the millions of people who need affordable healthcare, preexisting conditions notwithstanding, and those who actually might die without it. Apparently, the panderer-in-chief has no shame.

If Obama really cared about democracy, he would act more like a dictator. If he knew anything about diplomacy, he would tell all foreign leaders who run their countries in ways he doesn’t approve of to go fuck themselves. If he was really concerned about national security, he would dismantle the military. And if he truly cherished the privacy of all Americans, he would simply shut down the NSA – along with Facebook and all other social media that invite the sharing of personal information, because you can’t be too careful with this shit.

To hear those with ODS tell the tale, Obama is too stupid to know that the Republicans are not on his side, too dumb to know he’s in over his head, and way too idiotic to govern a nation. The fact that, under his guidance, the economy has improved, job numbers are up, and the deficit is being reduced at an amazing pace is just – you guessed it! – “dumb luck.” Makes one wonder how such a dumbass was somehow smart enough to get elected – twice.